081202A's Pics

Thứ Sáu, 30 tháng 10, 2009

topic 2

1. Introductory:
In the south of Vietnam, a year has only two seasons: rainy season, and dry season. Dry season is severe weather conditions. It’s hot all days so most people are slack to work or learn. Whenever we must go out, the intense sunlight makes us sweat too much, and feel more tired. It seems that soil are barren, trees are shrivel and wrinkle. Everybody as well as everything expect rain. Fortunately, a wish is coming. The weather forecaster says that: “this afternoon, the southeast area has a heavy shower. It’s the first rain in this year.” So, I’m eager to stand in fond of the window to wait the shower.
2. Body
-The sight and action at it’s going to rain.
• Sky: black cloud, bright =>dark.
• Wind: gentle =>strong, stronger and stronger.
• Trees: turn from side to side look like crow because of happiness.
• People: hurry off to come home as soon as possible, prepare raincoat, and close the door.
• Street: dense and crowed => empty, quiet.
-The scenery and action at it is raining.
• The rain is falling pitter-patter on the roofs.
• Raindrops are more and more => full of water in the street.
• Some people seek shelter from the rain.
• After that, the rain has abated => children rush to outside to take a bath. They play, relax, and satisfy.
• The stream of water which flows in the street looks like the roll of the sea
• Lightning, and thunder appear
• It rains continually. After two hours, the rain has ceased.
3. Conclusion:
The first rain brings to us cheery, and joy. People and all things are coming alive. Drops of rain make field fertility, makes trees luxuriant. Therefore, rain is an invaluable present, which nature gives for beings human.

4 nhận xét:

  1. The writing is very good (A): it can make the readers image what is happening; the behaviour of the insentient things is the same as the human; it is interesting enough to attract people.
    But in the conclusion, I think you have a small mistake: " human beings", not "beings human"
    The grammar is all right: A, the ideas are good, novel: A

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  2. * paragraph level:
    vocabulary:A,development:A, ideas:A, unity:A
    grammar: some mistakes :(the sight and action at it is going rain, at it is rain).
    * essay level:
    +introductory paragraph:A
    +development:A

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  3. introduction is good. but the thesis statement seems not clearly. body paragraph is great, make readers imagine a specific picture. vocabulary and grammar :A

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  4. - your idea in writing is very good.
    - it has action in every scence you describe, that make the reader imaging what you want to write easily.
    - unity:A
    - development: A
    - the thesis statement isn't clearly at all.

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